4 letter words

i feel like there's still something missing. like a deadline, something else i was supposed to turn in. well, there is... was... but i massively missed it, no way to make it up. maybe cuz everyone is still doing stuff, and i'm not. i guess there's some prepping for the socialist conference tomorrow. and planning my next trip to toronto (really really miss my cousin's 5 yr old son). and researching UB's involvement with israel and crafting demands with UBSJP. and seeing if i could figure out what the hell is going on with UB janitors. and there's GROW to do soon. thank god we picked a date. o, and possibly most importantly, i have to pick out what i'm going to wear on natasha's birthday and to diplo.

so i guess i'm still busy. what's more there's the summer classes coming in a few weeks.

so weird. now that it's all done, i'm so bored. not even rly relieved (well i was at first) now i'm freaking out cuz i need an outlet for the momentum i built.

i'm also rly rly worried about taking my 1st linguistics class (that actually matters) in like a year. and getting back into spanish. (the last 2 semesters i took a 2 linguistics classes that were really hard and the subject matter isn't rly relevant to my concentration anymore... so i feel like i wasted a shit ton of time and energy on something that doesn't matter at all and didn't help my education at all and booooooooooooooo)

yesterday evening, after my exam i chilled w pb#1 and he wrote some grad-school-paper, i sat there and read my text book from lulat's class cuz fb, twitter, and cell phone tetris were no longer at all interesting. earlier that day it was all i could do to quit messing around on the internet and actually study and get my stuff together for lulat and the exam.

o and yeah.... i had to turn in some of my notes from the class to lulat.... and i think i might have called him a homophobic piece of shit in the margins a few times. or wrote some shit about how much i hate paternalism and invisible children and that bitch that came and spoke at blacks in film. heh. this should be interesting.

i think when i get stressed i distract myself to cope. with really really inanely stupid shit. pb#1 even commented that i looked bored and i should use the other comp in the room if i wanted to look at lolcats or failblog.... but it's useless unless there's something big and scary looming.

anywho..... off to work... rather i have an hour and a half to kill before work.

i wish i would have brought my knitting. i'm rly behind in random shit i said i would make for pals :(

phew

Just got back from flying kites with potential boo #1. Before that he bought me dinner. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world :D

i love everybody in ubsas. that's for sure. my prayers for pple to join have been answered better than i could have imagined. last year when it was just me k8 and rachel, k8 would talk about how the group was just going to fade out and we would never recruit anyone.

copy/paste from twitter:
Zane: I wish this paper would write itself. I'd rather be dorm storming. Should that be one word or two?
Chris: I would say one word. Real activists don't have time for the space bar

AND GET THIS THEY'RE GRAD STUDENTS. ubsas has grad students!!!!

and SJP is coming along so so so well. everyone is rly excited for anti-oppression. which makes sense- there's one white boy in the club, and he, ya know, gets it. but next year when we're running a big, loud, crazy campaign, i'm expecting the group to un-diversify... slightly. and i want that anti-oppression dialogue to be there already.

i had a rly long talk with this kid who's pitching his dumb charity as activism at UB. i found out two things: 1. he's a stoner, and i can prob mostly ignore him. and 2. he's got a lot of his shit (facts, strategies) wrong.

yesterday was easter. i went to church with my mom. she told me i looked super nice and was begging to take a picture of me. i didn't really think much of it, but when we went to brunch at the chop house a random stranger told me i looked nice and she loved my shoes and then hk said i looked super fly. made me feel all warm inside.

so warm in fact that as soon as i got home, i got on a USAS conf call (i accidentally left my phone & my ipod with the number saved on it @ home, or else i would have gotten on earlier), and as soon as i got off the call, i fell asleep and woke up today at 7am. that's right i slept over 14 hours.

and just now i got a take home test and i have a ton of shit due for my LAI class. and actually a lot of late assignments i need to do for Polish. and it's late and it's dark out and i want to go home tonight. so i'll save all those other stories for another day. yall went months w/o an update- u'll live another few days!

As black people have always known: a black person has to be twice as good (if not more) as a white person. Assuming that both Obama and McCain have positive qualities to start with, now consider the following:


What if the Obamas had paraded (while the entire nation was watching) five children across the stage, including a three month old infant and an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter?
What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review?
What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?
What if McCain had only married once, and Obama was a divorcee?
What if Obama was the candidate who left his first wife after a severe disfiguring car accident, when she no longer measured up to his standards?
What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar, and had a long affair while he was still married?
What if Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain killers, but also acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?
What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?
What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?
What if Obama had been a member of the “Keating Five”? (The “Keating Five” were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan Crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.)
What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?
What if Obama was the one who was known to display publicly, on many occasions, a serious anger management problem?
What if Obama was white, and McCain black?


You could easily add to this list of questions. If it reflected the present electoral reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are? This is what racism does. It covers up, rationalizes, and minimizes positive qualities in one candidate and emphasizes negative qualities in another when there is a color difference. The fact is that we're not yet color blind as a society. Consider too this comparison of the educational background of the candidates:


Barack Obama:
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a specialization in international relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in political science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

John McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899!

Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism


Of course, formal education isn't everything, but this is about the two highest offices in the land, as well as our economic welfare and our standing in the world. Where did the last uneducated president get us? There has to be a reason that, in spite of the above, we are where we are today.

One more thing: isn't McCain's party all about so called “values”?

we had to fill this out in education class:

-if the statement describes u rly well, circles 5.
-if it is a lot like you but not totally, circles 4.
-if this is what you are like sometimes, circle 3.
-if it is a little bit like you, circles 2.
-if it is totally unlike you, circle 1.
Add up your score for each section. Follow the directions for scoring when finished.

SECTION 2 (the only one i did good on)

I like being with friends more than being alone. 1 2 3 4(5)
I have many friends. 1 2 3 4(5)
I like to learn and study with partners or in groups. 1 2 3 4(5)
People like to hear my stories and jokes. (1)2 3 4 5

total for section two: 21

Score Sheet
Directions: After you have answered all the questions, add up the numbers for each section. Write the scores below:

Section one: Intrapersonal Intelligence Score: 10
Section two: Interpersonal Intelligence Score: (21)
Section three: Bodily/Kinesthetic Score: 13
Section four: Linguistic Intelligence Score: 11
Section five: Logical/Mathematical Score: 11
Section six: Spatial Intelligence Score: 17
Section seven: Musical Intelligence Score: 17
Section eight: Naturist Intelligence Score: 10

Circle your highest score. If you scored over 20 in any section, circle those scores, too.

IRONY: this test is meant for children and i had NO friends until senior year of high school. Also, the only thing i'm really good at is having friends now.

i got a huge head ache cuz i worked all day and ate nothing but cup cakes.

the UE worker tour last night was great tho. so was founding fathers after. i'm regretting not getting out to marcy's.

me and hk are gonna have pre val day dinner now. and discuss how to fuck some shit up tomorrow. there's a rally downtown and if i'm not gonna be with "the other man" i'm gonna be there.

stress.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA was wonderful.

the conference was taxing... i facilitated every session of anti-oppression. i also got the coffee. and kicked out the drunks. and smashed capitalism. well, jk about the last one. BUT there are a lot of people on that.

dinner with Sameerah and Zack and Sameerah's fam was great.

as they were driving me back to the air port, i was seriously considering just missing my flight. when i got out of zack's car and stood outside the air port i put on my stupid hat with the stupid ear flaps and almost bawled my eyes out.

then i checked my bag and went through security. they threw out the sunscreen i forgot i had in my backpack. then i sat there... and was pissed that i had already checked my bag and just wanted to call zack and ask him to come back and get me. but i didn't. i don't have money. i owe so much to my bank and credit cards. there is no way i can live in LA with the debt i have right now.

so then i get on the plane and yadda yadda yadda, i sit next to the kid who wasn't working class but decided that he belonged in the working class caucus.

then i get off in atlanta and i see a ton of SE SAS. and then i accidentally fell asleep in the airport and alomst missed my flight to Buffalo.

then i got to buffalo and my luggage didn't. then my mom picked me up and she was annoying as ever. we went to the bank cuz she had some shit to do, and ran into a customer from the shop. and this woman says to my mom, "Isn't weather we're having so nice?" and I wanted to punch her.

then i went to school and that put me over the edge. i really really really wanted to cry. i didn't know if i'd ever see my keffiyeh or the souvenirs i got for everyone ever again. i was surrounded by miles and miles of bullshit. I went to Lulat's class, i went to SAS, I went home and I went to sleep.

the next day... i had class again. me and natasha decided that this one girl in class sucks at life and made fun of her and shit... and she was right behind us. so maybe she'll drop the class. o, btw, she's said classist shit to me IN CLASS, and while I was out she made a huge anti-semitic comment IN CLASS.

after school i went to talking leaves to get the book for Lulat's class cuz i figured i failed his test the day before, i should get some of his reading done. then i ended up just wandering and listening to music, and i felt a little bit better. The east side is pretty ugly, but it somehow puts things in my head to rest. everything seems clear. it's so familiar and yet strange all at once. it took my whole life to make sense of it, and yeah, finally. it's a part of my identity in the weirdest way. i didn't grow up there or go to school there, but it's a part of my consciousness.

today i got a root canal in the morning and then went to work. this was the first time i worked since coming back. it's exhausting. my ASM is quitting to work at sephora. i'm thinking of following her lead.

and then came the UBSAS meeting. and buffalo has grown back on me.

i'm in LA and it's really nice to only have to wear one pair of pants at a time.

sadly, all my pants are too big on me. since i've started my gym routine my legs and booty have slimmed, so all my pants look saggy. which means i'm now a size 3. like i was in high school.

laura and carl have a gym in their apt building. it's SICK. I'm thinking of asking them if i could live on their porch for the summer. i'll bring a tent so that the bats don't bother me.

if you've ever...
1. walked down the hall and someone you know is really far away but you dont want to make eye contact too soon yet you dont want to miss it so you look at them then look away..
2. gone in for a hug and had your arms the wrong way or your heads both go the same direction then you bump heads
3. kept bumping in to someone... they walk right you walk right, they walk left you walk left etc.
4. messed up a high five; theres many ways to do this believe me... high fived it when they went for a pound. high fived someone when they ment to highfive the person BEHIND you and so on.
5. waved to someone when they were waving to someone behind you
6. grabbing someone elses food [i.e. drinking someone elses smoothie...]
7. someone spoke to you in bad english and you just smiled and nodded yes when the question wasnt a yes or no question
8. awkward silences.
9. calling somones name when its not them.
10. calling someones name and they dont hear you so everyone stares at you when you look like your talking to yourself
11. awkward conversations in general
12. stuck talking to someone and you both slowly start walking different ways
13. saying bye and then walking the same way as that person
14. talking really loud when loud music is on and then people turn it down and you say something really loud
15. typing something while another person ims you and you always end up sending them really weird sounding things by mistake
16. Walking down the hall and being at the point where you know them but you are not sure if you know them enough to say hi yet, so you dont
17. having a hole in your pants
18. joining in on a random conversation followed by stares
19. when you're at a restaurant and the waiter says "enjoy your meal" and you say "you too" only realizing later that they aren't going to eat anything
20. talking about a group of people or people who are of a certain ethnicity/religion or whatever and having somone of that group be right there.. also talking about somone whos behind and/or next to you
21. and best of all you just love to make awkward smiles in pictures.
22. told a joke that no one laughed at (or one that only YOU thought was funny)
23. told a story that people respond with "here we go again" or "that was the most worthless story i've ever heard"
24. this group.
25. sang REALLY loud and then someone changes the station or whatnot leaving you singing REALLY loud for a second or two..
26. on facebook you think your writing back to someone but then a day or two later you realize you had written it on your own wall. yeah you're awesome
27. getting caught hooking up...by your parents
28. being in a different country where they dont speak english and saying something about someone and they understand you

When i was just a kid, growing up in Zambia, and I was sitting under a tree one day, waiting for fruit to drop, I had this vision, that I was going to come to Buffalo, NY and teach YOU.

i think i'm gonna drop the class.

I just got out of LAI class. we started class talking about the inauguration- and how we could teach students about stuff and use that experience. it's really awkward to bring up class issues in my education class. everyone seems to be really ready to talk about race tho. i'm not a pushy person, so i don't like pushing the issue when i really don't have to. i wish k8 were in my class. she loves talking about that when teachers try to avoid it.

6 days until my root canal. 8 days until LA. and i'm gonna get my tattoo this weekend. anyone wanna come with me? anyone know a place that's good/cheap/accessible by bus?

today was class, work, class, SAS. there was also a touch of secret plotting (which puts me in a SUPER good mood.) Also, I think i like my race, class, and society class. i will likely change my mind the first time lulat yells at me. o and i while i was working, this douche who used to make fun of me in high school came in for a coffee. he was all trying to be nice to me, and i kinda went with it, but all i could think about was how he got so much uglier since high school and i got way prettier. which is pretty douche-y, but all they ever made fun of me for in high school was being ugly. so it's hard not think about now.

yesterday was inauguration, class, work, class. i didn't get mistey eyed (i thought i would), but i sat with thawab and this jewish girl profiled us. or maybe i'm profiling her. eitherway it was really awkward how she tried to force the moment by crying and hugging us. what's more i missed out of free food. BOOOO.

monday i spent a ton of money at marshalls. i bought designer things at a tenth of their original price. i love fancy labels. glittery pants. ridiculous birthday/christmas presents. sophia frequed out when she saw what i got her. i can't wait to give k8 n natasha their shit.

sunday i chilled with my mommy. it was ok. i missed the CC conf call cuz i was doing hair (supposed that's my MOM's job, but i get roped into doing most of the work when it's a family friend.)/sleeping. but i got on the other conference calls. and then i got the nerdiest text ever from a certain USAS staffer. i spent like 8 years rolling my eyes and making fun of him after until my face hurt. then me and k8 got into an argument. and then i went to sleep. it was bliss.

saturday me and luto went to toronto. it was nice except that it was cold. but we ate at ethiopia house and then i played with aldous and had lucy all to myself for a few hours. also i bought $9 soap. with my loan money. i'm really glad that k8 isn't reading this cuz she would YELL at me.

friday i skipped polish class to go to UB's bullshit 'rally'. o man did it suck. but i have plans. secret plotting plans. YAY! then i worked, then i went to rachel wilson's going away party and it was really fun. i'm going to miss rachel. i never really talked to her or hung out with her, but it was comforting knowing that she was around when i needed her. that sounds horrible.

i think that's all i have to report on. I can't wait for my root canal in a week.

soooooooooooooo..... i was seeing this guy was i knew was too much of a dude-bro for me to handle, but he's super cute, so i decided to see where it would go and then it ended with him doing something really douche-baggy and then us not talking for a month.

or so i though it ended. he's popped into my store and smiled at me a few times since school started. today he IMed me on fb and was like, you've been acting really weird. duh, cuz we're supposed to pretend like we don't know each other to save face now. what's more, my co-workers told me that he's been bumming around my store, just standing and staring at shit.

i don't think he likes me or wanted have anything to do with me socially cuz he never tried to make plans with me to hang out in public (except on chippewa). so wtf is this now? he never said he wanted us to get to know each other nor did he seemed thrilled when i told him i was going to take us on a real date. and he seemed annoyed when i told him i was waiting for marriage. i figured we were tooooo wrong for each other and that he realized it too. now he wants to chat? now he wants my company?

now, onto more pressing life issues. i'm pretty much convinced that everyone still thinks i'm really weird and slightly retarded and that normal people wouldn't like me at all. BUT i've been working hard at changing that so it's not a self fulfilling prophesy and i get some more self esteem.

i just read the honesty box messages i've gotten over the years on fb. they (proof of my normalacy) are as follows:

November 28
your the baddest mother fucker, ever.

November 13
Ah! Joanna is awesome ^_^ and Polish.

November 5
Had a really scary dream about a person named Johanna once which is really close to Joanna... and it scares me!

October 27
i think you're so cool...i admire you alot...

March 6
You're a goofball!

January 30
your fucking sexy with that new hair of your. i would totally do you on the starbucks counter with that hair.

December 11
hi, i'm a creepy stalker! nice to meet you.


the general sentiment is that i am well liked. lord knows i have left more than one honesty box message enumerating what i don't like about an individual. so i feel pretty good about my being-around-people-and-acting-normal-skills.

well, except the message i got on jan 30th. that's some creepy shit. that was right after i dyed my hair blonde, and man did it teach me a lesson. never going blonde again- that's for sure.

i wonder if i could make a play list of songs that would magically get me interested in doing my homework.

ha.

i've been sitting at this computer for two hours with my take home test open and my text book open and i still have nothing.

i have an exam at 3:30. am i gonna study? we'll see. I just wanna take it cuz i know i'm gonna fail and i'm gonna have to retake the class and i wanna know what's gonna be on the test next time.

the other day i was reorganizing class notes with one of my class mates and i pulled out that one anti-opression reading UBSAS did on white privilege at the beginning of the year from my binder, and showed it to my linguistics study buddy. i was like, yeah its a really good analysis of white privilege and it gives some really good specific examples and it really makes you think. and she was like, but doesn't that just reinforce racism? and i was like, how does recognizing unearned privilege reinforce an unfair, flawed system of oppression? and she got all huffy and stuck to her guns.

i couldn't believe it. i hate life outside the activist bubble.

anyway i have a ton on my mind, so i'm gonna try and drain my thoughts elsewhere and then hopefully get some work done. cuz this exam is due at midnight, and i'd like to study phonetics at least a little...

i totally had the time of my life last night. aside from hearing a few disturbing rumors (about me... WTF!?!?!?), but whatever.

at the progressive pub crawl, we started dancing to some dumb song and then linking up into a blob and then absorbing people until we were all just yelling and bumping into people and it was awesome.

i love natasha. babygirl you make life worth living.

i did good with presentations and projects the last week of class. now comes the real test- research papers and exams. why the fuck is school so dull? the only reason i'm still here is because they're paying me.

i on jest naprawde piekny. za ras go zobaczy. nie moge sie doczekac!!!

za długo nie używam mój pierwszy jeżyk. muszę coś napisać po polsku.

wczoraj posiedziałam z moja mama i spróbowała opowiedzieć jej o rasizm. było trudno powiedzieć to po polsku- tak samo trudno jak było 4 lata temu dla mnie rozmawiać po francusku.

i ten nowy chłop. on jest dosyć przystojny. tylko on jest taki straszny dudebro. nie wiem co on myśli on mnie i co on chce ode mnie. dwa razy poszłam i go zobaczyłam w klubie. i go całowałam tam. drogim razem on był strasznie spity. kiedy poszłam, to on powiedział ze on mnie kocha. ja nie wiem czy to był on (ale- jak dużo innych chłopaków tam na ulicy było którzy maja jego akcent?). a może źle słyszałam? poszłam do domu po tym i myślałam ze nigdy go znowu nie zobaczę. ze go nie zadzwonię i on na pewno mnie nie zadzwoni.

w poniedziałek go zobaczyłam w moim sklepie. i znowu późnej w bibliotece. i on chciał ze mną rozmawiać. i ja nie wiem co myślić i co zrobić. bo od razu kiedy ja go zobaczyłam, to ja, wiesz, czułam się trochę lepiej.

on zawsze chce żebym poszła z nim do domu. i ja się nie dobrze czuje o tym. bym chciała zęby on przyszedł ze mną do mojego domu, ale on nie będzie brał autobus.

chyba jeszcze to nie napisałam, ale on nie otwiera dzwi sam kiedy jest góźik. i nie bierze schody. chodzi odrobić się w sali. nie mogę to wyczymać. kiedy my przechodzimy przez kluby to sza wyrzyskich którzy tam pracują. dla mnie to jest strasznie. się czuje jak bym była w mafii. strasznie sketchy.

przez wakacje chyba trochę czasu z nim spędzę. ciesze się ze on nie zna nikogo z moich koledzy.

I've recently transitioned from Nelly Furtado being the woman who describes my life with her songs to Lady Ga Ga. I don't know how I feel about that. I used to sit around and bawl my eyes out to "All Good Things" and now i smirk while listening to "Love Game." I think Nelly Furtado needs to release a new album (that as always, will describe my life) before this gets out of hand.

well, at least I've been getting used to how horrifying my weekends in Buffalo are now-a-days.

... not good, jbz. not good at all.

k8 is the wind beneath my wings. i hope i'm the wind beneath her wings tooo. i think i'm just the annoyance around her wings :(

so i friday night i was officially made a brosefina. baptized, if you will.

on saturday night i fucked up what should have been the funnest time ever.

on sunday i was stranded on north campus without any money or a cell phone and no way of taking the bus home or to my mom's work to get my cell back. and instead of doing work i went to sleep early in the library.

today i meant to get up early and flyer. nope, i forgot.

and just now i got a text that a progress report is due tomorrow for a project i haven't started. what's more I'm gonna have to skip the class tomorrow cuz i'm going for an interview at the casino to be a busser. where i'll make way more $$$ than at sbux, but my commute is gonna suck. thank god the bus goes right by there.

so last weekend was Halloween. i trick or treated at president simpson's house- he wasn't there. i made a really cute frog. that looser fucking hates kids and fun and this proves it. after trick or treating we went out for pizza and got into a really heated discussion about activism and buffalo and systems of oppression and this dude sitting at the table next to us waiting for his take out order looked like he kept wanting to jump into the convo, but he never did. after he left we giggled about it and then i realized that i was dressed like a frog. green face paint and all.

after that me and ece went back to my apt and tvd was there and it was awkward. i dressed up like a tranny cuz i still thought i was going to go to rocky horror. then i got ditched, but before i could change sophia snapped a really awkward photo of me in shiny gold leggings and a sock in my crotch. then i dressed up like a 'greek goddess' (i forgot the name but she's the goddess of the hunt and she's a virgin. i figured that was close enough to real life.)and went out. check my FB.

the last stop of the night was allentown where colin got his shoes licked by a random stranger and something even more horrifying happened to sophia. i DDed everyone and did a really good job. i surprised myself at how good i was at parallel parking.

the weekend before that i was in DC for a strategic planning session for USAS and it was all sorts of crazy. two weeks before that i was in DC for the face-to-face. for a while DC felt like my second home. LA has since shifted back to that position.

o and big news!!!! I really am getting TAP money. so that means i'm not gonna be as much in the hole. still really in the hole, though. maybe not after i get this job. if i get this job. all my weekend trips to everywhere will have to end :( maybe. i hope not.

so conflicted. working at sbux sucks so much ballz. BUT i can take off whenever i want and i get all the health insurance i want. i like the freedom. i hate the wages and how much work there is. I really would like to work more. I'm due for a raise in february at sbux. so that's another almost 20 cents on my current pay. i can live with that. maybe.

the advertisement on the side of my screen says Paris Hilton's IQ is 120. she really should run for VP. i would vote for her over sarah palin. ferreal. i'm just saying.

i had a super fun weekend with the exception of saturday night. luckily bumming around toronto sunday afternoon with two of the coolest people i know more that made up for it.

and i still have that weird cough i cough in capen. only it's worse. but i didn't throw up two days in a row. things are looking up!

and something weird happened. someone from USAS called me 'bubbly.' I am in no way at all bubbly. but then i realized... I'm usually super giddy at USAS things cuz i love everyone and it's always really exciting and nothing makes me happier than when i'm really really actively organizing. so being bogged down with hw and shit in buffalo means i'm mopey. but i guess hanging with activists and movement building makes things better :)

and i hate Polish Studies. I think everyone here has heard me complain about how much everyone in the department sucks except Marta. iiight, I'm off to Polish Studies class.

how is this a serious publication?

from today's spectrum:

All or nothing
http://spectrum.buffalo.edu/article.php?id=37000 - Senior Sports Editor

On Friday, Dr. Phil McGraw hosted a special episode of his talk show where a fiery debate on the N-word took center stage.

A panel featuring Rev. Al Sharpton, comedian Paul Mooney, CSI: New York actor Hill Harper, comedian Sheryl Underwood and conservative radio talk show host Michael Graham led the talks on the touchy topic, which escalated to screaming, ignorant remarks and completely biased conversation.

The two-syllable slur, arguably the touchiest word in society, is held to a double standard that is causing too much unnecessary commotion between men and women of all races.

A majority of hip-hop artists use the term for whatever reason they please - to refer to a friend, to attack an individual or group or even to refer to themselves. If someone who is not black uses the term, they will more than likely get beat down into the pavement.

Isn't this a double standard?

If someone used a derogatory term to refer to a homosexual, it's a hate crime. If someone used offensive slang to refer to an Italian, it's a hate crime.

Why is the N-word considered free speech?

Sharpton's feelings were that the word is a poison and either needs to be banished from all "talks" of life, or accepted so that anyone should be able to use it in the middle of South Central without any repercussions.

Will this ever be possible? Not at all.

In a world where people of all ethnicities and orientations want to be considered equal, is segregating yourself going to help matters?

Black Entertainment Television? The name itself insinuates who can and cannot be a viewer.

Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Alliance? Great reasoning for the group, but by being a member you are putting your sexual orientation ahead of your duty to be one with the human race.

Black Student Union? Racist in its own right, wouldn't you say?

It doesn't matter what one's agenda is behind being a member. For many, it is for support, socialization and to gain knowledge of one's history. Hidden beneath the culture is the racism that most of humanity is trying to destroy.

While many will fight the charge that these divisions aren't causing racism, aren't they a simple form of segregation? People are separating themselves from mankind to put themselves into a group based on ethnicity, sexual orientation or culture.

Does that make us all racists? Perhaps.

While we might not go to the person in front of us in the hall and use whatever derogatory term that may apply, the problem isn't being fixed by segregating oneself in a group.

While I envy Sharpton's feelings on the subject, I know that it will never be ideal like he envisions. Racism will always be in our lives, waiting for us behind whatever door we open. The all-or-nothing scenario that he dreams of will never come to fruition, only because mankind will never take control of the situation.

Instead, free speech, double standards and ignorance will always be in the forefront of our lives.

Case closed.